I am a woman in ministry. Throughout my twenty years of pastoring and teaching the scriptures, I have had a good amount of friends, pastors, and strangers inform me that the scriptures do not support women in ministry. Some go as far as to share with me the specific verse that confirms their belief.

This used to bug me—big time. I have an entire conversation in my arsenal wrought with years of deep study into the theology of women in ministry, the verses that put this calling into question, and the historical context of the writings themselves, along with the opinions of thousands of professors, theologians, and spiritual leaders who support the position of having females in moreistry teaching roles—but over the years, predominant min I have pretty much let those things go.

I am a chronic over-sharer. It gets real uncomfortable, real quick. But unfortunately, not for me, which means I miss it most of the time when people exit stage left.

In a conversation recently with a newer friend, I had been complaining that it seemed it was more difficult for me to make (and keep) friends than the average Joe. I thought she would refute the sentiment with a sarcastic piece of encouragement that would feel like a little word love tap, on the top of my head, to signal me that I was overthinking… but instead, she laughed and responded that she could understand why.

What do we do when we’ve followed the Lord’s prompting and the light on the path seems to dim? What do we make of it when we are so passionate about the birthing of a dream, but when we finally get to the part where we bring it into existence, we are spent from the months of laboring that we’ve already been through? Or the fear of rejection causes us to want to hold it in?

In the immediate aftermath of his passing, I was completely lost. There were days when getting out of bed seemed impossible when the sadness would hit like a wave, drowning me in memories, in what-ifs, in the cruel twists of fate.

But now, I’m finding myself somewhere in the middle of that grief.