Let’s start this off with a little announcement for those who have found their way to the blog - I’ve written another book. Unlike my first manuscript, which was more of a guided journal through the grief that I was facing after the tragic loss of my brother in the first year of his passing, this one is a dive into the spiritual life of a believer to combat the heavy burden of perfectionism we think we should take on with the freedom of love we have in Christ.
I want to tell you more, oh how I want to tell you about the whole thing, but we’re going to leave it at that one summary for now to focus on something that keeps coming to mind as I wrap up all of the hours of writing and editing and creating… what next?
What do we do when we’ve followed the Lord’s prompting and the light on the path seems to dim?
What do we make of it when we are so passionate about the birthing of a dream, but when we finally get to the part where we bring it into existence, we are spent from the months of laboring that we’ve already been through? Or the fear of rejection causes us to want to hold it in?
If it were just a meal that I had spent all day working on (looking at you, Thanksgiving) it would be the same as eating the food straight from the pan. No need to grab a plate, invite others to enjoy it with me, or take a picture for the feed. All of those are the extra steps that, while purposeful, require more work. More decisions, more actions… more cleaning up.
Can’t we just leave “good enough” alone.
I wrote the book, see Lord. *gives it a big thumbs up*
I recognize within myself that I am in a weird place. We have been steadily working in ministry for 20 years now, married for 18, parenting for 16, and in this community for 8. Everything started off so exciting, but now we are here. Still going. Still plodding. Still setting up and tearing down after the umpteenth big event.
Getting a front-row seat to watch the Lord transform the lives of those around us is a gift, just as much as marriage and parenting allow us to grow and be a part of someone else’s growth, but when you’ve been doing it for a while, it is easy to go into autopilot. We “know” what to do. We stop asking.
This is not a blog to chastise us for becoming less outwardly enthusiastic about the things we once desperately prayed for. Or for drawing our attention to the areas that we have abandoned in our faith or our families. (Although if that is the case, either of them, I trust His Spirit to draw your attention there.) I simply wonder if there is a natural maturity that looks less like jumping up and down, and more like smiling from ear to ear. Something that doesn’t require us to work into the late hours but instead gives time and space for rest and loosened responsibility.
It’s the vision of old love, not young love, that I long for now. The idea of handing over the control to settle into the lesser part of the story that God is writing.
And do you know what I have been gifted through it? The freedom to see rejection for what it is - God’s directing.
Rejection in relationships means an unhealthy expectation of others to fulfill me (my value, my purpose, my status) when I have everything I need in Christ.
Rejection on a career path means a repositioning and redefining of the work God is asking me to do while I am here on this earth - when it is all meant to glorify Him anyway.
Rejection in prayer (what we see as God refusing our request) means opening our eyes to the ways of God which will never come naturally to our own.
Rejection is the pathway to seeing God’s sovereignty.
It is a way for us to submit and trust, time and time again.
I say this not as someone who loves the feeling of continued rejection but as someone who is learning to enjoy the journey. Someone who, a few decades in, has loosened the grip and has sensed some joy in the letting go. Because I trust God. I trust Him. I trust Him. And every rejection on my dim path means that He is still guiding, still directing, still closing doors.
I sent my manuscript to 5 literary agents last week, and I received my first rejection on Monday. I expect four more before picking back up with the self-publishing path. I didn’t know exactly what God was asking me to do next, so I looked into every option and welcomed the rejection as God was still at work.
It doesn’t mean less favor, it doesn’t mean I am no longer accepted or approved by Him. And it doesn’t mean that I have somehow failed.
It is simply a chance to settle into the security of His sovereignty. He will get the book where it needs to go. It is His story anyway.