When We Reject What We Should Be Rejoicing

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“Anyone can write a book.”

“I don’t make very much from it.”

“It really isn’t that exciting.”

These are the phrases I have caught myself saying over and over again. Truth be told, I have been saying variations of these same things my whole life. Not for people to pity me, or to fish for a compliment. No, I think deep down I just didn’t want anyone to think that I thought too highly of myself. Because I don’t. I am not that great.

But no matter how many times I remind myself of all of my failures and shortcomings, the strangest thing started to happen. As I began to disqualify my accomplishments and liken them to something that anyone and everyone has and can do - people started to believe me. In fact, they jumped in with similar words of their own.

“I thought to myself, if ‘Vanessa’ can write a book anyone can”

“I am just going to ‘buy’ a publisher like you did.”

“There are millions of authors. Everyone is writing ‘books’.”

Recently I heard a friend say one of these phrases and it prompted the worst of emotions within me. I knew what they meant. I knew they were just saying another form of what I had been saying all along. But to have put so much intensity and effort into something just for a close friend to belittle it so that it was more comfortable for us to sit with, was a little taste of my own medicine… and it didn’t taste like the gospel.

In Romans 12 we find Paul speaking of what our Christian behaviors and attitudes should look like. He speaks of transforming our minds so that we don’t mimic what the world calls living in healthy community with one another when in fact most of the advice we are receiving is “self”-based. (Do they make you happy, do they celebrate you, do they think of you enough, text you enough, and on and on.)

And then Paul expounds on a topic my bible depicts as “love in action” in verses 9-21.

Romans 12:9-21 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.  On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

I love these words as they are a quick way to check our hearts and give us wisdom for navigating everyday life. And for as much as I have read them I have aimed to do exactly as God asked of us, especially to not be conceited, I for sure did not want to be misunderstood as “too full of myself” (especially after a childhood of being misunderstood with my serious face that earned me a whole lot of stand-offishness).

I smile as often as possible now and apologize or discredit anything that might make me seem like I am too proud. Which basically means that when someone comes along and celebrates something I have done - I reject their kindness. And when someone offers words that minimize my hard work - I believe them.

And it is from that place of inner warring that I have recently discovered my own undoing. The reason I have been so lethargic and sadness has followed me around like a lost puppy.

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. (verse 15)

I got the sitting with the broken and not rushing to give advice part down. I can let others cry (and may join in) with the best of them. But I forgot how to celebrate. I forgot what it meant to rejoice.

Now I don’t mean boasting of something that I have done or holding a parade for any one accomplishment. I simply mean to have confidence in both who I am in Christ and what God is doing in my life.

And friends,

Confidence doesn’t equal conceit.

Just as deflecting and diminishing accomplishments to make other people happier with their own lives isn’t humble or holy. It is rejecting the very rejoicing that we should be doing. Not in ourselves, but in the Lord. The glory is His.

So excuse me while I stop saying things that take away from the incredible ways God has been good to me. I am not going to hide the ways He has moved in my life. It is going to look really uncomfortable at first as I bite my tongue before saying something that will undercut whatever good thing He has given me, but I promise that it will look a whole lot more like rejoicing than rejection. The way it should be.

And when I can learn to rejoice in my own life, it will free me to rejoice with others a whole lot more.

Which basically means a whole lot more dance parties and way less of me feeling sorry for myself or comparing my growth and accomplishments and opportunities with anyone who feels called to similar goals in life. Because comparison is the great thief of joy and comes from denying our own good stories. It is time we both learn how to mourn with those who mourn - and rejoice with those who rejoice. Even if it means rejoicing with someone while we are in our mourning season. The two are separate events.

So here it is - my giving God a whole lot of praise for the ways He has blessed me (without any follow up disclaimers to make it sound like less of a thing). Rejoice with me a moment will you? Because it has been far too long since I have allowed myself to really get excited about this without counting all of the ways “anybody” could do it:

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  • “The Good in the Awful” hit #1 New Release in its category 3 times within the first month it was online, and once at #6 in the category for Best Seller.

  • 500 people bought “The Good in the Awful” in the first quarter (3 months) of it being available for purchase.

  • 2 bookstores and a coffee shop opened their doors for me to host a book signing.

  • 2 bookstores now carry “The Good in the Awful” on their shelves (Barnes and Nobles in San Luis Obispo and Roseville, CA).

  • Countless messages have come in to share how the words God impressed on my heart to write during my own grief have helped others in their own journeys of loss. So basically, lonely people aren’t feeling so alone in their mourning seasons.

God is so good.

What can we celebrate in your life today?


When Nothing is Right

This is NOT Good

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